Showing Up

So yesterday was one of those days. I came into the studio and looked at my new work and was convinced they all were crappy and self indulgent. Poorly drawn, meaningless, wastes of paint. We all have days like these, don't we? I think mine happen when I'm exhausted - they tend to show up after a long stretch of crazy inspired painting. Days - sometimes weeks - strung together of manic production and very little reflection. And that's when her voice shows up. You know the one. She tells you that you know nothing, you are wasting your time, that nobody will every truly understand your paintings because they are muddled, ugly and trite. So when She shows up (I call her Betka after an elementary school teacher I had multiple run-ins with), I let her rant. I write down what she says in my studio journal. I acknowledge her questions. And then I paint right overtop of them. Preferably with something glittery and fancy. And then I return to the easel, pick up my brushes, and get to work. Because the most important thing is to show up, regardless of what she says. She's always going to be there nagging and cutting me down. I just can't let her win. On an entirely different note, The Princess and My Better Half surprised me with a baby bunny on Mother's Day. They knew my heart had been achy ever since our last bun passed, and orchestrated this marvelous whole thing where I thought we were road tripping to pick up a car part from craigs list and instead the guy answered the door with a baby bunny in his hands. Of course I started crying and the guy was immediately concerned that I was that crazy lady who was never going to leave without ALL the bunnies in her car (people, the mom in me has to say, complete your transactions on public property, please!!). But The Princess assured him I cried at everything cute and tiny, and then all was well. Anyway, the little guy is adorable. He's doing binkies and flopping about and teeth purring and wriggling his way into every lap possible. And this is his first time on my easel - I give you a very sleepy Mr. Beanie Bates. If you are so inclined to add his portrait to your collection, let me know - this one is 8"x8"x1-1/2", gallery stretched canvas with the image wrapped around the sides. He's $149 to the first asking nicely. THANK YOU!